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Is Accused Of Being An Illegal Immigrant [The Daily Farce]

For the second time in a row, President Bush has been embarrassed by his pick for the secretary of Homeland Security Department. Judge Michael Chertoff accepted the nomination for secretary of Homeland Security this past Monday, but withdrew his name today when unnamed sources accused him of being an illegal immigrant from Poland.

“Unfortunately, it is true.” Stated Judge Mike Chertoff, “I am an illegal immigrant from Poland. I must deeply apologize to President Bush for not mentioning this during my 3 hour interview with him.”

Bernard Kerik, Bush’s prior Homeland Security Secretary nominee, removed his name from consideration last month after discovering that he actually hired illegal immigrants and paid them “under the table”.

“I’m shocked.” Stated President Bush, “I just have no luck picking the right candidate for the Homeland Security department. I’m not sure what to do. I picked Chertoff because I thought he was a practical organizer, a skilled manager and a brilliant thinker. And the FBI told me he never hired any illegal immigrants too. I guess I should have been more specific with the FBI.”

Chertoff, 51 arrived in the United States when he was 18 years old from Poland on a student visa. When his visa expired, he never renewed it and went underground until he married his American wife, Lisa Smith.

“Nothing came up on him when we researched him.” Stated the new Intelligence Czar, Mr. Noitall, “He never hired any illegal aliens. That’s all we were searching for. Incredible that he himself was an illegal! I think we need to reform our intelligence reforms again.”

In other news, President Bush is said to want to extend the “worker’s card” program to not only cover illegal Mexican workers, but also workers from Poland.

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